Roger Collis

Roger Collis http://www.rogercollis.co.uk Voices Etcetera Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:26:11 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 en hourly 1 Voices Etcetera Roger Collis yes Roger Collis roger@rogercollis.co.uk There can be no monopoly of grief http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2010/03/03/there-can-be-no-monopoly-of-grief/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2010/03/03/there-can-be-no-monopoly-of-grief/#comments Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:20:00 +0000 roger http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/?p=635 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2010/03/03/there-can-be-no-monopoly-of-grief/feed/ 0 I was dismayed to find myself dismayed the other day that someone had laid a bowl of crocuses on your grave in the place where I lay my Sunday flowers usurping I thought the raw memory of my loss. Yes, my loss and my memories belong to me alone. But there can be no monopoly of grief. Others have loved you, of course, many others, and love you still, who hold your memory in their hearts; other men, some who abused you, I know; you told me; husband, lovers; less worthy, or worthier than me. They of their time; who is to judge? You once said, ‘It is outrageous to be jealous of my past.’ And you were right; jealousy is corrosive at any time, even in the sharing of grief; especially grief, perhaps. And there is narcissism to contend with too; not just in grief, but in love, in prayer… I have been there: trying, vainly trying to strip away vainglorious thoughts, corrupt desires – the black want always splashing on my prayers… And after all, you shared your last years with me – we shared a precious decade… We traveled together; we were happy, even in our ailing days. Until, quite suddenly, after four short agonizing weeks, you left alone on your own journey. At airports, at railway stations, at the open doors of taxis, we have said goodbye, touching our lips in a final embrace, saying, ‘I love you;’ clinging in our thoughts to the moment, the certainty of being together again. And later, on the phone, ‘Oh, I forgot to tell you…’ and, ‘I’m sorry I did or did not do such and such.’ There was always time to fill in the gaps, re-edit, to apologize, or to say it again… Alas, it was not like that that fateful morning. When you left for the last time, I was numb with fear, with dread, consumed with practical household things; until the final shock of the suddenly wholly expected… I remember the time when I kissed your warm forehead, and later when it was cold; and touched your hand when we lay side by side on that last night. But when did I last say, ‘I love you?’ And you would reply, ‘I love you.’ And I can hear your voice saying that – the stress on that last word. I wanted to recite the poems you loved to hear: ‘The owl and the pussy cat’ from Edward Lear… that you once recited to me when I was in hospital in intensive care. And there was no poignant deathbed scene: holding hands until the gentle closing of your eyes… I was downstairs at the time. And the only voice to say, ‘Cut, we’ll take that scene again,’ is the voice in my mind. But it was, ‘Cut and print.’ It was a wrap. I am forever condemned to rehearsing other scenes in my mind. The tears came later; six months later. But they came in the end… They are falling now like spring rain on a numb heart barren with grief. I am learning; I am learning many things; that grief is not assuaged with time; it is here to stay; it lurks in the heart; it is like a chronic illness that one can only learn to live with. The only certainty is the precious price of loving you – a cross that I gratefully bear: and the uncertainty of love [...] I was dismayed to find myself dismayed the other day that someone had laid a bowl of crocuses on your grave in the place where I lay my Sunday flowers usurping I thought the raw memory of my loss. Yes, my loss and my memories belong to me [...] Roger Collis Poetry Foreplay http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/a-foreplay/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/a-foreplay/#comments Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:40:54 +0000 Chris Hawes http://beta.rogercollis.co.uk/?p=435 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/a-foreplay/feed/ 0 <a href="http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/A-foreplay1.mp3">Foreplay</a> Foreplay Lunch http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/sex-is-for-strangers-lunch/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/sex-is-for-strangers-lunch/#comments Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:35:05 +0000 Chris Hawes http://beta.rogercollis.co.uk/?p=438 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/sex-is-for-strangers-lunch/feed/ 0 <a href="http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Lunch.mp3">Lunch</a> Lunch No Greater Love http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/sex-is-for-strangers-no-greater-love/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/sex-is-for-strangers-no-greater-love/#comments Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:30:41 +0000 Chris Hawes http://beta.rogercollis.co.uk/?p=440 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/12/02/sex-is-for-strangers-no-greater-love/feed/ 0 <a href="http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/No-greate-love.mp3">No greater love</a> No greater love Demo Reel http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/11/15/demo-reel/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/11/15/demo-reel/#comments Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:32:25 +0000 Chris Hawes http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/?p=314 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/11/15/demo-reel/feed/ 0 Have a listen to samples of my many voices on my <a href="http://rogercollis.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/demo-reel.mp3">demo reel</a> – and remember, if none of them suit you, I have others!. Have a listen to samples of my many voices on my demo reel – and remember, if none of them suit you, I have others!. The Anxiety Game http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/the-anxiety-game-2/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/the-anxiety-game-2/#comments Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:54:13 +0000 Chris Hawes http://rogercollis/?p=189 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/the-anxiety-game-2/feed/ 0 From all the games that managers play the most subtle and awarding is the anxiety game. As every executive knows the real purpose of communication in an organization is to generate and transfer anxiety. When looking to climb the corporate ladder, which is most important, what you achieve or how you appear? <a href="http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/cassetteiv2.mp3">The Anxiety Game</a> From all the games that managers play the most subtle and awarding is the anxiety game. As every executive knows the real purpose of communication in an organization is to generate and transfer anxiety. When looking to climb the corporate ladder, [...] Sooner or later the Executive has to give in http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/sooner-or-later-the-executive-has-to-give-in/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/sooner-or-later-the-executive-has-to-give-in/#comments Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:52:03 +0000 Chris Hawes http://rogercollis/?p=186 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/sooner-or-later-the-executive-has-to-give-in/feed/ 0 Holidays are not always the happy historic institution that folk law and the tourist industry would like us to believe. Remove the day-to-day pressure of the office and a new kind of pressure takes place…holiday stress. <a href="http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/rc_collis_archive.mp3">Sooner or later the Executive has to give in.</a> Holidays are not always the happy historic institution that folk law and the tourist industry would like us to believe. Remove the day-to-day pressure of the office and a new kind of pressure takes place…holiday stress. Sooner or later the [...] Nightwings http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/nightwings/ http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/nightwings/#comments Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:39:30 +0000 Chris Hawes http://rogercollis/?p=179 http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/2009/10/28/nightwings/feed/ 0 <a href="http://www.rogercollis.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Night-Wings1.mp3">Nightwings</a> Nightwings